One of the inwardness of happiness is not to owe to anyone for anything. You'll live steadfastly when you are responsible to yourself. Once you get benevolences from others, you'll feel that you seem to owe to him/her and there's something or favor that you should give back.
I have no idea about what people think when they're facing these conditions, but at least, the feeling of debts will be deeply rooted in my mind.
Not only the help, but also the promises by myself can make me feel responsible to others. Sometimes the feeling of duty caused by my engagements is much stronger than the one by benevolences from people. I don't want to be a Barmecide, since I don't feel like others to treat me like that.
I think I'm such a lucky guy that usually gets help in my growth, sometimes, or I should say usually, I'm used to leave a promise about returns after the help from others like" Next time it's my treat", "I'll give you something"...etc. These words seldom come true even though I don't mean to ignore them. But everytime I think of these commitiments, I always feel depressed with remorse.
The obtainment is too much, but the bestowment is far less.
It's one of the reasons that I want to be a traveler with charity, to appreciate the world and discover those who really need helps; to feast on the beautiful scene and protect the wonderful nature.
To give without return, it's what I'm working on.
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